Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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