Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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