Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Are we still banned from the library?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
