So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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