Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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