the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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