i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
