Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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