it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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