Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
