now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
