We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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