One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
