If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she smelled like a LAN party
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
