what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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