I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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