it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
