she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
