it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
