I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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