I wish my penis had an off switch
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
