no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
