I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
