Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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