I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
