There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
