im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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