He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
