I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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