At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
