i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
