i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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