I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
