So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
