I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
