sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
