Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
