11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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