The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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