Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
