the condom got lost in my hair
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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