apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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