I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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