I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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