i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
