I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
