At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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