you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
