none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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