i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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