I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
