I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
