apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
