Quick, to the slutcave!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
