I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
